A post blew up on r/japanlife recently:
"I've been in Tokyo since 2018, and lately it feels like everyone's packing up and leaving, both foreign expats and Japanese folks I know. Even those I thought were locked in long-term (friends with solid jobs, relationships, etc.) are suddenly heading out."
366+ comments. Clearly, this hit a nerve.
If you've lived in Japan for more than a couple of years, you know exactly what this feels like. π
Here's the pattern every expat knows too well:
It's exhausting.
You invest time and emotional energy into friendships, only to watch them disappear. Over and over.
I call it the revolving door problem. πͺ
What caught my attention in that Reddit post was this:
"My Japanese girlfriend has been pushing us to move to Canada together because she's worried about Japan's future outlook."
Wait, Japanese people want to leave Japan?
Turns out, yes. The OP mentioned concerns about:
So it's not just expats cycling out. Even locals are eyeing the exit.
Your social circle is shrinking from both directions.
The comments didn't go where you'd expect.
Instead of "yeah, Japan sucks, leave," most replies were actually warning against leaving:
"Be prepared to pay 2-3x more for everything, and never own a house in a major city unless you have rich parents."
"As an Australian, Canada's housing problem is cute."
"Never saw the American Dream until I moved to Tokyo. I was like 'holy shit I might actually get to own a home someday, in a city with actual things to do!'"
The consensus? Japan isn't the problem.
Housing is affordable (compared to Vancouver, Sydney, London). Public transport works. No tipping. Safe streets. Healthcare that won't bankrupt you.
Leaving Japan doesn't solve the loneliness β it just trades one set of problems for another.
Here's what I think the post was really about:
It's not about economics. It's about loneliness.
Watching your friends leave, one by one, is brutal.
And in Japan, making new friends as an adult is genuinely hard. The culture doesn't really support it β most Japanese people keep their childhood or university friends and that's it.
As a foreigner, you're often limited to:
No wonder people consider leaving. When your entire social network evaporates, what's keeping you there?
You can't stop people from leaving. That's their life, their choice.
But you can keep meeting new people.
Here's what works:
1. Accept the impermanence
Stop taking departures personally. Everyone has their own path. The friendship was still real, even if it ends.
2. Diversify your social circle
Don't only hang out with expats on 2-year contracts. Make Japanese friends, long-term residents, people who've built lives here.
3. Stay active in meeting new people
This is the key. Don't wait until you're lonely. Always have channels open for new connections.
Full disclosure: I'm the founder of SewaYou.
I built it partly because I experienced this exact problem.
SewaYou is a map-based app that shows you people nearby β both Japanese locals wanting to meet internationals, and other expats in your area.
The idea is simple: the revolving door never stops, but neither does the flow of new people.
Someone leaves? There's someone new who just arrived. Someone interesting living in your neighborhood you've never met. A Japanese person curious about your culture.
You don't have to watch your social circle shrink. You can keep building it.
Look, Japan isn't perfect. No place is.
But if you're staying, don't let the revolving door grind you down.
Keep meeting people. Keep building connections.
Download SewaYou and find your next friend. π
