I Moved to Japan Alone — Here is How I Found My Community

Two years ago, I stepped off a plane at Narita Airport with two suitcases, a work visa, and zero friends in Japan.

I'd done all the research. Watched YouTube videos about life in Tokyo. Joined Facebook groups for expats. Saved lists of "things to do" and "places to visit." I thought I was prepared.

What I wasn't prepared for was the loneliness.

The First Few Months Were Hard

I'll be honest — the beginning was rough. My coworkers were friendly but busy with their own lives. The other foreigners I met at orientation scattered across the city. Weekend nights alone in my tiny apartment felt endless.

I tried the obvious things. International parties where everyone exchanged LINE IDs but never actually messaged. Language exchange meetups that felt more like awkward speed dating. Standing at the bar in Roppongi hoping someone would talk to me.

None of it worked — not really. I'd meet people, have surface-level conversations, and then... nothing.

What I Was Doing Wrong

Looking back, I made some classic mistakes:

I only hung out with other expats. It felt easier, but it also meant missing the whole point of moving to Japan. Plus, expat friends often leave — their contracts end, they go home, they move to another country.

I expected instant friendship. In my home country, you can meet someone at a party and become close friends quickly. Japan doesn't work that way. Friendships develop slower, through repeated contact over time.

I was passive. I waited for people to invite me places instead of being the one to suggest plans. Turns out, everyone else was doing the same thing.

What Actually Worked

After six months of struggling, I changed my approach. Here's what made the difference:

1. I Found a Regular Activity

I joined a casual futsal group that met every Saturday morning. The first few weeks, I barely spoke to anyone — just showed up, played, went home. But by month two, people started recognizing me. By month three, we were grabbing ramen after games. By month six, these were real friends.

The key was consistency. Same place, same time, same people. Friendship grew naturally because we kept showing up.

2. I Started Learning Japanese Seriously

My Japanese was survival-level at best. "Beer please" and "where is the station" wouldn't cut it.

I enrolled in evening classes and committed to actually studying. As my Japanese improved, something magical happened — my social circle expanded. I could talk to the old man at my local izakaya. I could joke with coworkers. I could actually have conversations instead of just exchanging pleasantries.

You don't need to be fluent. But getting beyond beginner level opens doors that stay closed otherwise.

3. I Used Apps Intentionally

I downloaded SewaYou after a friend recommended it. Unlike other apps I'd tried, this one was focused on Japan specifically, and the map feature meant I could find people actually nearby — not someone in Osaka when I'm in Tokyo.

The difference from other apps: conversations turned into real meetups. I met a Japanese guy who wanted to practice English. We got coffee. Then we started hanging out regularly. Two years later, he's one of my closest friends in Japan.

4. I Said Yes to Everything (At First)

Someone invites you to a weird event you're not sure about? Go. Coworker mentions a weekend trip to somewhere you've never heard of? Go. Neighbor asks if you want to try her homemade umeboshi? Say yes.

This sounds exhausting, and it is — at first. But it puts you in situations where friendships can happen. After a while, you can be more selective. But early on, just say yes.

5. I Became a Regular Somewhere

I found a small coffee shop near my apartment and started going every Sunday morning. Same seat, same order. The owner started recognizing me. Then we started chatting. Then she introduced me to other regulars.

Being a "local" somewhere — even a tiny somewhere — creates connection.

The Turning Point

About a year in, something shifted. I stopped feeling like a visitor and started feeling like I lived here. I had people to call when something good happened. People who'd notice if I disappeared.

It wasn't one big moment. It was accumulated small ones. The futsal friend who helped me move apartments. The language exchange partner who invited me to his wedding. The coffee shop owner who saved me a seat during her busiest hours.

What I'd Tell Someone Starting Out

If you're reading this in your first months in Japan, feeling isolated — I get it. Here's what I wish someone had told me:

It takes longer than you think. Give it at least a year before judging whether you've "made it" socially.

Quality over quantity. You don't need dozens of friends. You need a few real ones.

Japanese friends are worth the effort. Yes, it's harder to connect across the language and culture gap. But these friendships give you something expat-only circles can't — a real connection to the place you now call home.

Use the tools available. Apps like SewaYou exist for exactly this reason. There's no shame in using technology to meet people — it's just another way of putting yourself out there.

Be patient with yourself. Some weeks you'll feel lonely. Some weeks you'll feel like you belong. Both are normal.

Two Years Later

I'm writing this from my favorite coffee shop, waiting for a friend to arrive. Later we're meeting another group for dinner in Shimokitazawa. Tomorrow I have futsal.

I still miss home sometimes. I still have days when everything feels foreign. But I also have a life here — a real one, with real people who actually know me.

That lonely person in the tiny apartment two years ago? She'd be surprised to see where I am now. And honestly, so am I.

If you're just starting out, keep going. The community you're looking for exists. You just have to build it, one connection at a time.

Ready to start building your community? Download SewaYou and find people near you who are looking for the same thing.